Only Dreaming » Weird

Film Review by the Numbers: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Ian — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 21:59:57 +0000

Synopsis:

DOCTOR PARNASSUS runs a TRAVELLING MAGIC SHOW with his daughter, a CUTE REDHEAD, a NOT-A-MIDGET and an OVERUSER OF THE WORD ‘MATE’. DOCTOR PARNASSUS uses his SUPER PSYCHIC POWERS to suck people through a mirror and into a strange WORLD INSIDE THEIR HEAD where they have to make a choice between their SOUL going to him or to THE DEVIL. Or something. Either way, TERRY GILLIAM rapes your BRAIN.

By the Numbers:

Camp Mercuries: 1
Low Earth Orbit Jellyfish: 17
Ways to Transform a Room: 473
Gramaphone Bazookas: 1
Waltzes in Ponds of Shoes: 1
Policemen Showing their Knickers: 8
Deals with the Devil: 3
Dances with the Devil: 1
Blog Post Titles Too Long to Fit on One Line: 1
Terry Gilliam: over 9000

Overall: 4/5

Life Out of Rhythm

Ian — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:07:25 +0000

With Joseph now spending a week and a half at his grandparents’ house, our lives are even more bereft of the enforced routine of being parents to a toddler. It’s not that I miss this routine — god knows, I hate routine more than most — but how strange it feels when it’s no longer present.

Eric, who’s been at home all day, now sits in the corner reading a book, listening to music that my brain parses as depressing regardless of its actual content. She’s not hungry, I’m not really hungry, as the clock ticks onwards long past what would have been Joseph’s dinner time. I was instructed not to buy food for dinner on the way home, so we don’t have enough ingredients to make an actual meal — not that I can be bothered to cook anyway. I contemplate going out for fish and chips, though I can’t really afford it and can’t even be bothered to stand up from the sofa.

A four-day weekend and a fragmentary reminiscence of University life have thrown my work life askew as well, and it feels odd to be there, like it’s a transient thing.

For all that I normally yearn to be free from the yoke of parenthood, it sure as hell feels weird when I temporarily achieve it, as if I’m no longer adapted to a child-free life.

Overpackaged Much?

Ian — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 23:12:19 +0000

The Envelope: Vast, Thin, and Oily.

The phone company Orange appear to be giving out free headphone adapters as part of some promotion or other. So, naturally, on the bandwagon I jumped to see if I could grab some that would work with my phone. I filled in the form, clicked Submit, and thought nothing of it for the next two weeks.

Then I get a failed delivery note through the door. I’m expecting a few of these for various people’s presents, most of which I’ve ordered off the internet. But it’s a letter, apparently, and Special Delivery — so it needs signing for. “Strange,” think I, “I’m not sure I ordered anything flat enough to be considered a letter.” So down to the sorting office I go, and pick up… this. A something-bigger-than-A3-sized plastic ‘envelope’, that feels like it contains a piece of paper. Weird.

Package Contents

So I attempt to unpack said piece of paper. First thing of note, the envelope-thing is oily. Not visibly so, but I had to stop in the ASDA bathrooms just to wash whatever gunk it was off my hands. And, once finally inside, I discover… two pieces of paper! Once of which is the delivery note. The other, a full A4 sheet of 6-point text. “Terms and Conditions”.

What the heck?

Just in case, I rummage some more, and at the very bottom of the bag, I find a small black object, maybe a centimetre long at most. And, once I’d found some light to see it properly by — my god, it’s a headphone adapter! I very nearly threw the bag away without finding the damn thing.

The Adapter Itself, Just in Case you Missed It

And, just to complete the aura of bizarrity surrounding the whole thing, it of course is not even the right plug to fit my phone.

So, er, anyone want a 2.5mm to 3.5mm jack adapter? Be warned, I may send it to you in a full-length shipping container.

From Lovecraft to Slash Fic

Ian — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 23:30:08 +0000

So, as Joseph’s tastes in kids’ TV shows changes, so does the range of programmes I have to complain about, comment on, and generally be weirded out by. Thus I have probably posted the last of my “Night Garden = Ry’leh” brainfarts on this blog. On we go to the next thing he’s exposing me to non-stop.

Right, in Thomas the Tank Engine, is it just me or are Rheneas and Skarloey totally gay for each other?

That is all.