Of Software and Magic

Light­ning crack­les through my hind-brain, adeno­sine recep­tors light­ing up in sequence as caf­feine mol­e­cules fin­ish their long jour­ney from the hill­sides of South Amer­ica to the grey mass of pro­teins from which spawn con­scious­ness. My eyes open wider, and with them my mind. Fin­gers flicker and dance across the keys of mankind’s most arcane device. Thoughts, ideas, visions flash across my mind, pat­terns form­ing for just mil­lisec­onds. Then they explode through neural path­ways, twist­ing and con­tort­ing mus­cles that touch keys across the tiny por­tion of the real world that is still required for man and machine to work in har­mony. Then on again, elec­tri­cal pulses once more, com­plet­ing the jour­ney from pat­tern in flesh to pat­tern in silicon.

In another time and place, per­haps I would have been a shaman, ingest­ing pow­ders of strange jun­gle plants to achieve the same state beyond mere con­scious­ness, the same abil­ity to com­mu­ni­cate with the world, that I now achieve with caf­feine and a key­board. For the cre­ation of soft­ware is unlike any art or act of engi­neer­ing that came before it, and at times it bor­ders on magical.

The carpenter’s and the artist’s work both begin with an idea in their mind, but the end prod­uct of each one’s endeav­our is a real, tan­gi­ble object. What’s more, the carpenter’s chisel marks and the artist’s brush strokes become part of the work itself, for­ever a sign that human effort cre­ated it. But not so the magic of the pro­gram­mer. We have min­imised our tools as far as we can, allow­ing fin­gers to dash across keys as fast as our mus­cles allow, and still we yearn to do away with them entirely. Like the Chi to a T’ai Chi prac­ti­cioner, the key­board to us is a lim­i­ta­tion on the speed we can trans­late thought into real­ity, and the more we min­imise it, the more effec­tive we are.

At the end of the craft of soft­ware, there is no fin­ished item that can be picked up, exam­ined for work­man­ship, burnt to ash. There is just a pat­tern of mag­netic domains on a disk some­where, an elec­tro­mag­netic pat­tern the mir­ror twin of the elec­tro­mag­netic pat­tern in a brain that spawned it. By using a strange tool and a bizarre lan­guage which few under­stand, we take the pat­terns in our heads and over­lay them on the world as pure infor­ma­tion, pure pattern-stuff.

And that, dear friends, is noth­ing more or less than the prac­tice of magic.

A Knot is Tied

Just over seven years ago, after one poten­tial stu­dent house deal fell through, I asked around the Games Soci­ety to see if any­one was in a sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tion. I met one girl who was strange and hyper­ac­tive and who was look­ing for other peo­ple to share a house with. She intro­duced me to a house and another poten­tial house­mate, and that house­mate pro­ceeded to intro­duce me to a night­club, an entire musi­cal genre, and another girl whom I imme­di­ately devel­oped a crush on. Lit­tle did I know then that the house would come to define my time at uni­ver­sity, and the peo­ple whom I turned to in des­per­a­tion to find a house would become some of my best friends.

A cou­ple of months later, the strange hyper­ac­tive girl asked me out. I, being shy, eas­ily break­able and largely ter­ri­fied of the oppo­site sex, said no. Via the medium of a cryp­tic Live­Jour­nal post.

She drifted out of my life for a year and a half, mov­ing away from my uni­ver­sity city while I applied myself to my stud­ies and my increas­ingly inap­pro­pri­ate crushes on other peo­ple. But then, that year and a half later, she was back in Southamp­ton for one week­end which began with fol­low­ing fairy paths, con­tin­ued with whisky and bit­ter tears, and ended up with that strange, hyper­ac­tive girl ask­ing me out for a sec­ond time. This time, I seem to recall, I said “yes”.

Uni­ver­sity fin­ished for me in the sum­mer of 2006, split­ting us fur­ther apart. But in Novem­ber of that year, we moved to Bournemouth together.

In 2007, we had a child. In 2008, we bought a flat.

Yet more years have passed. We have come a long way from being a strange, hyper­ac­tive girl and a ter­ri­fied boy who refused her advances. This Fri­day, the tenth of June in the year 2011, in the pres­ence of those friends from long ago and many more besides, we were married.

A Time to Panic

Life passes slowly, when epic things lie ahead.

I have two full days ahead of me as a “free” man, before I am to be mar­ried to the only woman crazy enough to have me. And, nat­u­rally, I am pan­ick­ing so much that by Fri­day morn­ing I expect to have exploded in a shower of caf­feine and mis­cel­la­neous body parts.

I’m sure at this point I’m sup­posed to be ner­vous about my choice of wife; that I’d picked the wrong woman and was doom­ing myself to a life of unhap­pi­ness. Or some­thing. But the time for wor­ry­ing about that was a very long time ago.

Eric, Joseph and I

About this long ago.

No, this panic is merely a result of hav­ing to organ­ise the biggest thing I have ever organ­ised (by about a fac­tor of 4, in terms of peo­ple, or a fac­tor of 400 in terms of the pre­cip­i­tous fall in my bank bal­ance). The ser­vice is organ­ised, though we sent out 30 invites with the wrong time. The recep­tion is organ­ised, though if it rains we’ll be an hour early. The DJs haven’t replied since I told them “no soppy crap and no 90s boy bands”. Flow­ers might hap­pen at some point, and the cake maker hasn’t been in con­tact for weeks.

Face­book, Twit­ter, Google Talk are all abuzz with peo­ple ask­ing ques­tions; where they should be and when, what to buy, what to bring. The morn­ing of the wed­ding is shap­ing up to be a bizarre and con­vo­luted guest-shuffling exercise.

A wed­ding appears to be not so much about love, as spend­ing pots of cash on a great big party and going mad try­ing to make it all hap­pen. And how­ever it hap­pens, in the end, we’ll love each other just as much after­wards as before.

Eric and I

But maybe we’ll be peo­ple again, not insanely vibrat­ing beings hewn from raw ele­men­tal stress.

And So Into Summer

Every year, when the days start to heat up, it feels like a lib­er­a­tion that some strange part of me wor­ries might never come. But it’s here now, as inevitable as any sea­son. May turns into June with barely a sec­ond thought. The wind swings around to the south, blow­ing hot from for­eign lands. It rises, too, tick­ling the tops of trees but bring­ing no relief to those on the ground under the scorch­ing sun.

Field and Farmhouse

Tem­per­a­tures drift inex­orably towards the thir­ties. The gorse flow­ers have faded and gone, pass­ing their torch to the but­ter­cups in the mead­ows and the cow pars­ley that crowds every hedgerow and riverbank.

Win­ter and Spring have had their day. Now it is time for Sum­mer; king of sea­sons, our sea­son. It is time for deep blue skies and end­less green fields. It is time for the smell of bar­be­cues and the salty sea. It is time for the sound of parched heath under­foot and the calls of swal­lows in the cool evening air.

House and Brick Wall

It is time to run, and play, and swim, and laugh, and dance between the hot sand and the blaz­ing sky.

Sum­mer is here.

A Flotsam Person

Whilst walk­ing the night-time streets of Guild­ford, Eric remarked to me that it was a place that felt per­ma­nent; a place where one could put down roots. My home, and now hers, stands in com­plete con­trast. Bournemouth is a new town, founded two hun­dred years ago as a sea­side resort — which it still is.

She lec­tured me on the joys of her old inland town, with its stone walls and canals. I asked why one would want to put down roots, when you could have a beach instead?

She branded me a ‘flot­sam per­son’, and that was that.

Things that remind me of the seaBut I sup­pose I am, really. I carry things that remind me of the sea, so that I feel at home wher­ever I go. The feel­ing of being tied to a place, a town with his­tory, isn’t for me. Like the sand that drifts for­ever east­wards, despite the groynes that try to stop it, I’m happy any­where near the sea. I love the feel of tran­sient beaches, tran­sient lives, for­ever in motion. Years come and go, bring­ing with them the ebb and flow of peo­ple — stu­dents, sum­mer stu­dents, tourists.

I am a flot­sam per­son, a drift­wood per­son, happy wher­ever I can wash ashore and sit on sand as the waves lap against my feet.

Promises Fallen by the Wayside

Nearly six months ago, I sketched out some ideas for a site then called “healthi.ly”, since renamed to Daily Promise. In time I coded it up, made it pub­lic, and made the same com­mit­ment I have to other sites in the past — 20 active users gets it its own domain and invest­ment of time and effort. Less than that, and it goes how it goes.

It never did make it to 20 users. Its height was around 10, and has since fallen to just two. Today, it falls to one.

Leaving Daily Promise reminder tweet

I am leav­ing Daily Promise.

It remains where it is, cost­ing me noth­ing, ready for use by any­one should they so wish. Its source code is still pub­lic, for any­one to grab and build upon.

I’m leav­ing sim­ply because it doesn’t, after all, help me keep my promises — it merely helps me mon­i­tor them. I never found myself striv­ing to beat my record, never felt a pang of guilt as I ticked a row of “no” boxes. I merely car­ried on as nor­mal, not chang­ing my lifestyle, just mon­i­tor­ing my behav­iour as a set of green and red boxes that were at first fun, then over time became a chore.

Snapshot of Daily Promise chart

Two apolo­gies are due before I lay it finally to rest:

  • Firstly to @HolyHaddock, who sub­mit­ted a patch that would allow Daily Promise to allow “do this x times per week” promises — a require­ment for his use case. Unfor­tu­nately it broke the way I used it, and I never worked up the enthu­si­asm to merge the two prop­erly. So my apolo­gies for your wasted effort.
  • Sec­ondly to @telli_vision, who out­lasts me as the only remain­ing user of Daily Promise. My apolo­gies for leav­ing you on your own, and I hope that the site remains use­ful for you.

And of course, thank you to all the users, every­one who offered their com­ments dur­ing the design phase and every­one who sub­mit­ted bug reports since.

Daily Promise belongs to the world’s ever-increasing body of free soft­ware. If you like it, use it. If you don’t like some­thing about it, take it, build on it, and make it yours. I’d love to hear from you.

An Ending in Darkness

I lie unmov­ing on the floor of Joseph’s bed­room, stretch­ing my back into shape as I lis­ten to the splat­ter­ing of rain­drops against his win­dow. A cold north wind blows them on, a rare wind in these parts. So rare is this wind, and so shel­tered is our flat from all other direc­tions, that the sound of rain against glass seems alien for a moment.

Seven hours we spent on the patio today, eat­ing and drink­ing and being merry, happy for our extra hol­i­day and not giv­ing a damn as to the rea­sons why. My feet ache, my back aches, and I’ve been through about half a bot­tle of Pimm’s since lunchtime.

It’s half past nine, but it feels like it could be midnight.

This morn­ing, the world full of light and caf­feine and promise, I had a thought­ful post in my head. It was about roy­alty, and what pur­pose they served, and it was about smil­ing cou­ples and flags waved in the streets while NHS bad news is buried and Stoke’s Croft burns.

But this evening, the world is full of dark­ness and alco­hol and rain beat­ing against win­dows. I’m start­ing to feel detached again — uncon­cerned with human things like wed­dings and inter­nets and eat­ing and sleep­ing. Thoughts are dif­fi­cult and half-formed; bet­ter save that thought­ful post for another day.

EDIT: Thanks Newsweek, for negat­ing the need for my blog post with just four words: http://yfrog.com/gz7batfj

Summer Calling

It is past mid­night here, and a warm onshore breeze is just begin­ning to slacken. I stand bare­foot between the blink­ing lights of the town and the end­less beaches that sweep up the sea, whole again.

There’s sand in my shoes, sand in my bag and sand strewn across the car­peted floor, but it’s matched by the sand in my heart and soul that I can never leave behind.

image

Home is here, beneath the blaz­ing sun, ankle deep in salty water. Home is here, amongst the lobster-red tourists and drip­ping ice creams. Home is here, where bar­be­cues cloud the sky and stars reflect upwards from the open sea.

Home is here, between a glo­ri­ous Spring and the beck­on­ing arms of a long, hot summer.

Easter’s Approach

Not too many years ago, Easter fell early in the month of April. I spent it camp­ing in a bliz­zard some­where near Birm­ing­ham, pack­ing in as many peo­ple as our tent would hold so that we wouldn’t freeze overnight. My choice to spend the day­light hours run­ning around a frozen muddy field in a hakama was also, with hind­sight, not the best of all pos­si­ble choices.

Years have passed, and this time around, Easter falls late. The lilac trees are already in bloom, while cherry blos­soms and dan­de­lion seeds tum­ble in the wind.

image

Even at eight in the morn­ing, the sun is high in the sky and the mist is boil­ing away. Blue skies over­head promise a beau­ti­ful day, hot and cloud­less, just like dozens more to come.

image

It’s April, then it will be May. The hol­i­days are here, the tourists are here to pack the beaches. Slowly but surely, Spring is becom­ing Sum­mer once more.

Johannes Kepler and the Fabric Mice

Cover of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"Joseph has a book called “Twin­kle Twin­kle Lit­tle Star” which inter­sperses the lyrics of the famous nurs­ery rhyme with pages in which fab­ric mice con­tem­plate their place in the uni­verse.  One of the pages which par­tic­u­larly strikes a chord with me has a mouse look­ing up at the night sky and won­der­ing “are there stars for us all up there, or do some folks have to share?”.  I’m not sure Joseph is as enthused as I am about the answer to that ques­tion — that not only is there a star for every human being (and mouse) on Earth, but that in just the observ­able por­tion of the uni­verse we have about 10 galax­ies each — a total of around 100 tril­lion stars for every sin­gle one of us. [Wikipedia]

In sim­i­larly hum­bling news, the Kepler team yes­ter­day announced the results of the first four months of the space­craft’s planet-finding mis­sion.  Even if only 90% of their can­di­dates are real plan­ets [Mor­ton & John­son], that still means they found an an aston­ish­ing 1112 new plan­ets in four months.

The plot of extra­so­lar plan­ets dis­cov­ered by year now looks some­thing like this: [Wikipedia, Borucki et al]

Graph of Extrasolar Planet Discoveries, by year

Never has the trend of bars on a graph given me a more won­der­ful feel­ing about the future of our species than this. We may have bud­get cuts, wars and enough weapons stock­piled to wipe human­ity from exis­tence, but I can’t help look­ing at a graph like that and think­ing that we’re going to get there. Though it might be thou­sands or tens of thou­sands of years from now, we’ll be out there; our descen­dants spread across the hun­dreds of human worlds, count­ing yet more stars to call our own.