Twi­light (2009)

Plot Sum­mary:
The LIVING DEAD walk the earth, and are really fuck­ing EMO. They also have the fol­low­ing dis­ci­pline dots: CELERITY 3, POTENCE 3, AUSPEX 4, DOMINATE 2, PRESENCE 1. Which makes them all pretty nails, and they have no dis­ad­van­tages at all what­so­ever except a fond­ness for MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Nat­u­rally, one falls in love with a MARY-SUE called BELLA, who is then sub­jected to COOL SHIT but decides to ANGST about it.

“So it’s gonna turn out that that guy’s a vam­pire too, right?” moments: 3
Alice’s Rel­e­vance to my Inter­ests: 10
Self-confidence of main char­ac­ters: –24
Inter­est­ing plot twists: –1
MST Poten­tial: 458
Units of Alco­hol Required to Fully Appre­ci­ate Movie: 7
How Awe­some it Would be if Some­one Replaced the Sab­bat Guys by Prin­nies Just so they Could Say “We Chal­lenge You to a Game of Base­ball, Dood”: over 9000
Movies that are Worse than Twi­light: 57
Movies that star Adam San­dler or Jim Car­rey: 57
THIS… IS THE SKIN… OF A KILLER.: 1

Over­all: −1÷5