<lj-cut text=”“Stupid shit emo whiny rant””>Well, today’s got to be a pretty good con­tender for Worst Day So Far.
Things weren’t going too badly for most of the day today, even includ­ing the point where Joseph wouldn’t stop cry­ing for 15 min­utes and then was sick all over his blan­kets. That wasn’t really all that bad, though it added — as every­thing has been — to the now very high stress-o-meter.
This evening, though stress or hor­mones or depres­sion or more likely all three, Eric cracked and cried for sev­eral hours. Despite my reas­sur­ances that in fact she was going to be a good mother and that we weren’t get­ting every­thing wrong, I’m not sure she really improved much by the time I finally left. I’m hop­ing it will even­tu­ally be okay — we were both strong enough to get from ““holy shit we couldn’t cope with a child it must be adopted”” to ““actu­ally, we might make it after all””. I hope we’ll make it through this too. How­ever, the stress of try­ing to look after both Eric and Joseph is tak­ing its toll on me too.
What with not leav­ing Eric until I was sure she’d be at least pass­ably okay, and with let­ting the mid­wives know about what was going on, I ended up being too late to go to Tescos and buy actual din­ner. I also ended up on the last bus home, wait­ing for which was sig­nif­i­cantly colder than wait­ing for ear­lier buses. Thus, I am freez­ing.
Now, I must do laun­dry — for all I do at home these days is laun­dry and eat­ing of break­fast. Then, with luck, seven hours’ of worrying-about-Eric sleep. And up again, back to the hos­pi­tal for 10am for another 12 hours of pre­tend­ing to be calm, con­fi­dent and reas­sur­ing.
And pater­nity leave hasn’t even begun yet.</lj-cut>